Last week I shared one question that has been changing the way I move through my days:

🌟What is happening to my nervous system right now? 🌟

That simple question helped me notice patterns I had not thought about before. (If you missed it, you can read it here.)

One thing I’ve learned over the years, and that continues to be reinforced in my Applied Educational Neuroscience coursework, is that awareness is the first step.

So how do we become more aware?

One way is by intentionally practicing tiny moments of steadiness while we are already regulated. Just like we teach students to practice regulation skills before they need them, adults benefit from doing the same.

If you teach a social/emotional curriculum or social/emotional IEP goals, you already know that regulation skills are practiced when students are calm so they can access them when they are dysregulated.

The same is true for us as adults.

By practicing small moments of steadiness - slowing our breath, noticing our body, becoming present - we strengthen the pathways we’ll need when stress inevitably shows up. Then, instead of reacting automatically, we’re more likely to notice what’s happening, pause, and choose how we want to respond.

This is not hour-long self-care routines.

This is not adding one more thing to an already full plate.

In my Applied Education Neuroscience program, they call these Focused Attention Practices (FoAPs).

These come in all shapes and sizes. Some are for adults, some for students. Some are done alone, while others are done with a group. Some involve creating or crafting, while others simply use your body and breath.

There isn’t one “right” practice. Pick the one that fits you, the one that you will actually do.

As part of my coursework, I created my own Focused Attention Practice: Celebrate & Release

Here’s the practice. It takes about two minutes!

I first started this practice every night before bed with my six-year-old son.

Our version is much simpler. We answer two questions:

• What was good about your day today?

• What was hard about your day today?

Sometimes his answers surprise me. Sometimes I learn about something that happened hours earlier but he never mentioned.

Every night, his answers give me a little more insight into his world.

I’ve learned about friendships that are becoming important, games he wants to play again tomorrow, worries he carried throughout the day, and little disappointments that seemed insignificant to me but felt really big to him.

It’s become one of my favorite parts of our bedtime routine.

Looking back, I realize we’re doing much more than talking about our day.

We’re helping our nervous systems close out the day instead of carrying everything into tomorrow.

This same idea applies to educators.

Teaching asks us to absorb hundreds of interactions every day. Some joyful. Some frustrating. Some emotionally exhausting.

• The student who continued to not understand a concept.

• The difficult IEP meeting.

• The behavior that escalated.

• The difficult conversation with a colleague.

• The email you wish you hadn’t read at 3:45.

Without realizing it, we carry these moments home and into our lives the next day and the next day.

By intentionally acknowledging and releasing these challenging moments, we’re less likely to replay them over and over, creating more mental space for the next day.

We’re helping our nervous systems regulate.

A longer exhale activates the vagus nerve, helping shift our body toward the parasympathetic state - the body’s natural “brake pedal.”

Reflecting on what went well also supports neuroplasticity by strengthening neural pathways associated with resilience and coping rather than allowing our brains to replay only the stressful moments.

And acknowledging what was hard is just as important.

We’re not pretending difficult things didn’t happen.

We’re simply choosing not to carry all of them into tomorrow.

As educators, our nervous system doesn’t just affect us.

It affects every student who walks into our classroom.

The more often we practice returning to steadiness, the more available we become to co-regulate with others.

Sometimes the most powerful practices aren’t the biggest ones.

They’re the ones we’ll actually do.

I’m excited to continue sharing more Focused Attention Practices from the Brain & Body Brilliance Manual throughout this next year. Each one is simple, practical, and designed to support the nervous system regulation of both educator and student.

I’d love to hear from you

What small practice already helps you regulate your nervous system?

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💥What is happening to my nervous system right now?

As part of my Applied Educational Neuroscience coursework, we were asked to track our nervous system states throughout the week using a simple tracker (pictured below). At least three times each day, we recorded where we were on the nervous system continuum and added a few words describing how we felt.

It sounded easy enough.

I found myself checking in five or six times a day - first thing in the morning, sometime in the afternoon, and again before bed.

This wasn’t a typical week. I’m on summer vacation, the sun was out, and life was considerably slower than it was during the school year. If I completed this same tracker during October, the data would tell a very different story.

Patterns emerged which kept me curious.

First, I spent most of my time in the green state.

That felt encouraging because one of our family’s core values is creating a home with as little unnecessary stress as possible. We intentionally try to build routines, support one another, and create environments where everyone feels safe and connected. We communicate when we are stressed and need breaks.

The times I shifted into a blended fight-or-flight state fell into the following three categories:

• Running late.

• Sitting in traffic.

• Power struggles with my six-year-old son.

Most of the power struggles occurred during transitions - getting ready for bed, leaving the house, or our morning routine.

Apparently, transitions are challenging for both kids and adults.

One thing I’ve known about myself for years is that I’m an optimist. Unfortunately, that optimism also applies to time. I consistently believe I can accomplish more in twenty minutes than is actually possible.

Years ago, I made a small but meaningful shift.

Instead of telling myself to stop rushing, I started telling myself to move quickly.

It sounds like semantics, but it completely changed my experience.

When I was rushing, I spent the entire drive criticizing myself for being late. My heart raced, my shoulders tightened, and by the time I arrived at work, I was already dysregulated. My nervous system was in the red.

When I shifted to move quickly, I still arrived at exactly the same time - but without carrying all of that unnecessary stress with me. I arrived regulated instead of dysregulated, and I was a much happier human.

Looking back, I wonder if I was punishing myself for being late. Feeling bad somehow made the mistake more acceptable.

It didn’t. It just meant I started my day in survival mode.

Another unexpected pattern emerged: I almost always remembered to complete the tracker when I was moving out of the green state. I’d notice myself becoming frustrated or overwhelmed, and immediately think, Don’t forget to write this down.

But when I felt peaceful, calm, connected, or joyful? I often forgot to complete the tracker, unless it was one of my planned check-in times. I rarely thought about documenting the green moments.

This made me wonder… Do I naturally pay more attention to moments of dysregulation than moments of regulation?

It certainly feels like another example of our brain’s negativity bias - the tendency to take in the bad and ignore the good.

Then, in a serendipitous moment - my six-year-old son who was filling out the tracker too (he insists on doing everything I do) bumped his head in the shower and became very upset. Through tears he looked at me and said,

“I want to go to the tracker.”

Just like me, he thought about tracking when he became dysregulated. Not when he was happy, playing outside or riding his bike but when something felt hard.

I realized this tool gives him awareness. Awareness of his nervous system.

If a six-year-old can learn the skill of awareness, then I assume most anyone can.

The week of tracking ended and I continue to ask myself:

💥What is happening in my nervous system right now?

That question has become one of the biggest gifts of this exercise.

Another gift that has been lingering in my mind since completing this assignment.

💥Would living in the green state all the time actually be ideal?

I’m not so sure.

Growth requires challenge. Adventure requires uncertainty. Learning requires moments of discomfort.

The goal isn’t to eliminate the red or blue states from our lives.

The goal is to develop the flexibility to move through them without getting stuck there.

Maybe resilience isn’t about staying regulated.

Maybe it’s about trusting that, no matter where our nervous system takes us, we have the awareness and the skills to find our way back.

Now I am curious about you.

Try tracking your nervous system for a day, for a week, for a month.

What patterns emerge? What do you notice about the times you move between the different states? Who are you with? Where are you? What situations continue to move you towards regulation - or away from it?

And perhaps most importantly…

Can you notice the shift while it’s happening?

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It felt like drinking water from a fire hose. I am still processing everything I learned, connecting it to my experiences as a special education teacher, behavior analyst, and compassion educator.

Some of you might be wondering: What exactly is Applied Educational Neuroscience?

At its core, AEN is built on four pillars that focus on nervous system regulation and the science of how stress and trauma impact our brains and bodies. Rather than prioritizing behavior compliance, it prioritizes relationships, safety, and connection.

Why I love it so much? It feels like someone took everything I’ve been observing and practicing over the last 18 years in education and added neuroscience to explain why it works.

Pillar 1: The Adult Brain and Body State Matters

The first pillar focuses on the adults. Our nervous systems directly influence the students around us. Our facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and emotional state communicate far more than our words ever will.

When we are dysregulated, we can unintentionally escalate situations. When we are grounded, we create safety. This means that building resilience as educators isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. The more regulated we are, the more available we become for our students.

This aligns with so much of the work I’ve already shared, including Elena Aguilar’s Onward.

Pillar 2: Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation

The second pillar focuses on co-regulation. Students learn to regulate through relationships with calm, connected adults. When you notice a student escalating, the goal isn’t to match their energy or control their behavior. Instead, we take a breath, slow ourselves down, and model what steadiness looks like.

Think about your own relationships. When you’re upset, does it help if the other person escalates with you? Or does it help when they remain calm, present, and connected?

The same principle applies in our classrooms. Our nervous systems are constantly communicating with one another.

Pillar 3: Small Touchpoints Build Trust

The third pillar emphasizes intentional touchpoints throughout the day. These are positive interactions that last anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes and can be naturally embedded into daily routines and transitions.

A smile. A high five. A quick “I’m glad you’re here.” A moment of genuine curiosity about a student’s life.

These moments may seem small, but they build trust, belonging, and psychological safety over time. They aren’t one more thing to add to your already overflowing to-do list. They’re simply opportunities to be more intentional with the moments that already exist.

Some of these activities you are already practicing, this just gives you the science and reasoning to keep doing it and do more!

Pillar 4: Teaching Brain and Body Awareness

The fourth pillar focuses on helping students and adults understand their own nervous systems. Our brains and bodies are designed to keep us safe and help us connect with others. When we understand how stress affects us, we can begin to recognize our patterns, build new skills, and respond more intentionally rather than react automatically.

When we understand how our brains and bodies work, we know that a challenging behavior isn’t manipulation, lazy or out to get us but instead we know that it is a form of communication, a plea for help, or an insight into the person’s sensations.

This work isn’t just for students. It’s for all of us.

This is a practice, a journey to continually understand our nervous systems.

Underneath this work lies the power of neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity means that our brains are not fixed. They continue to change, adapt, and form new connections throughout our lives.

That means resilience can be learned. Regulation can be practiced. New patterns can be created.

The more resilient we become as educators, the more available we are to see the whole child, build authentic relationships, and experience joy in our work again.

What I love most about Applied Educational Neuroscience is that it brings together so many ideas that have shaped my work over the years.

It supports calm classrooms. It strengthens school culture. It deepens our understanding of behavior. It looks beneath the behavior at what is happening physiologically inside our bodies.

It helps us move from asking, “What’s wrong with this student?” to asking, “What is this student communicating, and how can we create safety?”

Most importantly, it gives us the science to support what many educators have known in their hearts all along: Relationships come first. Everything else grows from there.

I’m excited to continue learning and sharing this journey with you.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Which of these four pillars resonates most with your experience in education?

But that’s what you see at an eighth-grade graduation.

I was lucky enough to attend one last week and found myself watching not just the students but the adults in the auditorium too. Parents crying, so proud of their students. Teachers smiling, maybe for the joy of summer, maybe out of pride for a student, or maybe because of the feeling that comes with, “we made it.”

So many emotions.

And I wondered what everyone was feeling.

Is this why we do it? Is this what it is all about?

I wish I could bottle up this energy to be used for a later time. The energy, the love, the hope, the possibility. These milestone moments mark the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. They remind us that growth is happening even when we don’t see it day to day.

The challenge is that most of the school year doesn’t feel like graduation.

Most days feel like paperwork, behavior plans, difficult conversations, and trying to make it through one more meeting.

So I wonder: How can we hold onto these milestone moments when we’re in the day-to-day doldrums? When you feel like we’ve hit a wall? When we feel like we’re failing your students?

How can we remember these moments when we need them the most?

Because another year will begin next year in just another 12 short weeks and many of the same challenges will return.

Most days don’t come with visible proof that our work mattered. Yet, these graduation moments exist because of all those ordinary days.

Every relationship that’s built. Every time you stayed calm when a student couldn’t. Every moment you showed up when it would have been easier not to. These moments add up.

And then we get to summer.

As educators, summer gives us something we rarely experience during the school year: Space.

Space to breathe, space to process, space to remember, space to reconnect with ourselves.

Maybe the first week or two isn’t about growth at all but it’s about rest, getting your house back in working order, taking a trip or doing absolutely nothing. There is wisdom in that too.

I like to take a trip right away to jump-start the summer. Last week, my family and I spent one night backpacking in Mt. Rainier National Park with friends. Just one night. Just one hour from home.

And that was enough. Enough to break free from work stress and begin summer. When we returned, the sun was out and it felt different. No work obligations. Just family, home, community, and the simple rhythms of life.

We move so fast during the school year. Now is our time to be still. Our opportunity to reflect. A time to ask ourselves:

• What worked this year?

• What didn’t?

• What patterns kept showing up?

• Who do I want to be next year when challenges return?

Because the challenges will return. The difficult conversations. The moments of frustration and self-doubt. They’ll be waiting in just a few short months when another school year begins.

The question is whether you’ll meet them the same way you always have or whether you’ll begin a different journey.

A journey of awareness. A journey of learning how to remain steady when others cannot. A journey of becoming the anchor your students need.

This summer I will be leading my first beta coaching journey focused on reflection, nervous system regulation, and practical strategies for staying grounded during challenging moments at school - all founded in science.

If you’re ready to invest in yourself this summer so you can return to school more steady, more confident, and better prepared for whatever next year brings, I’d love to have you join me.

Respond below with, “I’m in” and I’ll send you more information!

Because as much as we’d like every day to feel like that graduation, we know from experience that it doesn’t.

And so we prepare ourselves for what comes next.

And I love it!

Having the research and neuroscience to further support what I’ve observed throughout my career is adding another layer to my understanding of students and their behavior.

Earlier this week, I was discussing a student with a team. This student engages in high frequency elopement from the classroom throughout the day.. As we talked, I found myself thinking less about the behavior itself and more about what might be happening underneath it.

What if the student is living in fight, flight or freeze all day long?

When we view behavior through that lens, the conversation changes. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you?” we begin asking, “What happened to you?”

That shift matters.

It moves us away from believing a student is being defiant, manipulative, or intentionally difficult. Instead, we become curious. We begin looking for ways to create safety, connection, and predictability.

And perhaps most importantly, it helps us NOT take behavior personally.

Remember, Q-TIP: Quit Taking It Personally.

Your job at that moment is to be the cue for safety. Neutral tone. Steady body language. Predictable responses. You are the anchor. You are the co-regulator. You cannot anchor anything if your own nervous system is spinning.

This is co-regulation in practice. Not a poster on the wall. Not a chapter in a textbook. The actual, physiological mechanism by which a calm adult helps an escalated student’s body downshift. And it starts with the adult choosing not to take the behavior as a personal attack.

I sat in that classroom earlier this week and watched faces change when we reframed it. It was an “aha moment.” The team shifted from viewing the behavior as a problem, to viewing it through the lens of “She’s doing this because her body doesn’t feel safe,”

Suddenly, they began asking different questions. Better questions. Questions rooted in curiosity rather than frustration.

A trauma-informed lens reminds us to consider how safe a student feels. Often, students are responding to experiences and stressors that have very little to do with us.

The question now becomes:

How can we help students feel safe enough to learn?

Recently, I created this short presentation below for educators on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences), how they impact the developing nervous system, and what educators can do to help. In 6 minutes, it explains why shifting from “What’s wrong with this student?” to “What happened to this student?” can change everything.

If this landed for you, there’s a free video mini-series that goes deeper.

It’s called *The Stress-Free Way to Respond to Challenging Behavior*

Inside you’ll learn why students escalate, how to stay regulated when they do, and practical strategies for responding in the moment, without overthinking every decision.

Not more theory. Not another thing to add to your plate.

Just a simple framework that combines behavior science, nervous system awareness, and compassion to help you stay grounded when the day is doing it’s best to pull you off center.

Watch the free mini series at kristybanks.com/calm

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If something in this post resonated with you, hit reply.

I’d love to hear what stood out, what questions you have, or how you are beginning to view student behavior differently.

I can’t wait to connect.

What is happening?

I recently learned a new meditation, recapitulation by the Toltecs (thank you @jenniwedmore). This meditation asks you to recall a time or situation where you lost your energy. At first, it was hard for me to recall a time when I had lost my energy. Surely I could come up with something from the last five years, but the last 24 hours? Nothing came to mind.

Since learning about this meditation, I realize I am giving away my energy all the time throughout the day!

This weekend, I took our grill out and when I took the cover off, there was a live mouse hiding. I freaked out and instantly I was transported back to a year ago when we had a scare that we possibly had rats and/or mice in our house. For two weeks, I was living in constant stress thinking we had rodents in our home. I couldn’t sleep. I was cleaning like a maniac.

Looking back, I was acting completely out of character. My nervous system was convinced we had a major problem.

Because I had been practicing recapitulation, I caught myself thinking, “This is taking my energy right now.”

I wasn’t even aware this was happening.

The mouse wasn’t draining my energy.

The story I was telling myself about the mouse was draining my energy.

Awareness!

That’s where our power is.

The moment we notice where our energy is going, we have a choice.

This is also what nervous system regulation is all about.

When our nervous system encounters something that reminds us of a past stressful experience, it can activate what neuroscientists call a threat response. An experience happens, our nervous system tags it as a threat, and later similar situations can reactivate that same response.

In school, a student’s escalation may not just be about today’s behavior. Actually, it may be activating memories of previous escalations, injuries, complaints, a difficult meeting, or situations that felt overwhelming.

Without awareness, our nervous system reacts to all the history attached to similar events rather than the event happening right now. Every time that old story gets activated, it costs us energy.

Recapitulation meditation can help us realize the old stories that have drained our energy, call back that energy, and then notice in the present moment when that story is taking your energy. Once you are aware this is happening, you can choose to place your energy elsewhere.

That choice is regulation. And the more we practice it, the easier it becomes to return to the present moment.

Once I realized the mouse was all I could think about, and it was bringing up stories from a year ago, I chose to place my energy in the present moment and focus on my loving family and enjoying a relaxing night at home.

It’s funny how in the moment these experiences happen and they feel so big so real and so impactful on our days. But then when you reflect back on them after time has passed, they might not seem as big.

But if I can realize in the moment, instead of afterwards then I can hold onto more of my energy. This is exactly what we need more of at the end of school.

This week, notice where your energy goes.

When you find yourself replaying a conversation, worrying about a student, thinking about a difficult meeting, or getting pulled into gossip, pause and ask:

“Is this deserving of my energy right now?”

Awareness may not change the situation, but it can help you stop giving your energy away.

And at this time of year, our energy is a valuable resource.

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Two participants shared in their reflection of the year that they became more aware of when their anxiety was present.

“I feel like everyone is coming at me. Asking me to do more. Finish this paperwork. Support this student.”

Through resilience work, the teachers realized when their anxiety levels began to rise, it was their responsibility to pause and respond in a meaningful way that aligned with their values.

Maybe they were able to remain calm in the moment and then go home at night, cry and feel their feelings. Maybe they reacted, noticed their reaction in the moment, and repaired with the student or adult.

Exactly how they responded isn’t the point. The point is that they noticed what was happening in their nervous system and became aware of their patterns.

One teacher commented,

“This was my second year taking this class. I took it last year too and each year I got something different out of it. I did different exercises this year and learned more about myself. What this has really taught me is that I have to continue to do the work. It never ends.”

That realization is worth celebrating.

Resilience isn’t something we learn once and master forever. It’s not a checklist we complete or a workshop we attend. It’s a practice.

A lifelong practice of noticing, learning, adjusting, and beginning again.

Two educators discussing this openly in front of the group made my heart sing and reminded me why I do this work. If just one educator walks away with this learning, it is worth it.

Being an educator is hard work. It’s challenging mentally, physically and emotionally. If you have chosen to do this work, it’s likely because you care deeply about helping students.

But helping students starts with helping yourself.

The gift of resilience work is not that it removes stress, anxiety or difficult days. The gift is awareness.

When we become aware of our thoughts, emotions and nervous system responses, we gain the ability to choose how we respond. We stop being pulled in every direction by every demand, every crisis, every difficult interaction, and every expectation placed on us.

Instead, we pause and ask: “What response aligns with my values?”

That pause is where our power lives.

This week, notice one moment when you feel stress, frustration, or anxiety rising. Pause and ask yourself:

What response aligns with my values?

You don’t have to do it perfectly. Just notice.

If you realize that resilience is a journey you’re embracing and you’d like support along the way, I’d love to help. My coaching program focuses on building resilience, emotional regulation and nervous system awareness so that you can respond to challenges in a way that aligns with your values.

Comment, “I’m in” below and I’ll send you more information.

Thanks for reading and we are almost to the finish line! You can do it!

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It wasn’t the first time he had asked.

While painting them, he says, “Other boys in my class say boys shouldn’t have their nails painted.”

Curious, I asked, “How does that make you feel?”

He shrugged and smiled, “I really like it, they’re fancy and I like fancy.”

“Okay, so what do you do when they say that?”

His response was simple, “I just ignore them.”

Honestly, incredible and a lesson many adults could learn from.

Especially in schools and especially at this time of year.

Recently, I’ve heard more reports of low morale in school buildings. Gossip. Negativity. Toxic environments where adults are frustrated, overwhelmed and unhappy.

Every school is different, so I don’t know that there’s one answer for why this happens. But I do know that there are things we can do to protect our own peace and nervous system.

First, become aware when conversations turn negative. You can acknowledge someone without joining in, “that sounds hard.” You don’t have to agree, fuel the conversation or even stay in it. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is excuse yourself and walk away.

Second, notice what’s happening in your body before and during difficult conversations or meetings. Is your back tight? Are your shoulders up? Is your face red? Are you already replaying how terrible the meeting will go before it even starts?

Where we place our attention matters.

If we constantly focus on conflict, frustrations and things out of our control, our nervous system is going to be impacted.

Take a moment and think about the last negative interaction you had at work.

How did your body feel?

What thoughts were going on in your mind?

What actions did you take?

Did your response align with your values or was it more of a reactive?

Sometimes retaliation feels tempting because we want relief, revenge, or justification. But when our actions don’t align with our values, it just makes us feel worse, not better.

This is the time of year in schools is hard. We are all tired. Stress is high. Patience is thin. Students are ready for summer.

That’s why it’s important to remember our locus of control. You cannot control other people’s moods, actions, or gossip.

YOU can control your boundaries, your response, your attention and the energy you want to bring into a space.

Sometimes protecting your peace looks less like winning an argument and more like what my six-year old says:

“I just ignore them”

And then continuing on with his day.

“I don’t want to go. What’s the point in going to Science when I don’t want to go to Science.”

Class started five minutes ago and the student is engaging in a power struggle with the para-educator trying to get her to Science class.

I was there to observe the student and give recommendations for the Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). Perfect, I was able to observe the behavior, which doesn’t always happen during observations..

It’s almost summer, challenging behaviors are on the rise, adults’ patience are dwindling and the countdown to the last day of school has begun.

What do you do?

Sometimes, going back to the basics and reviewing what works is the answer.

At the end of the year, we are tired, our consistency starts to crack, structures get looser, students feel anxiety around transitions, routines change and our nervous systems are on overload.

When we are overwhelmed, we talk more, react faster, and try to get control of the situation. Students feel this energy too.

It happens to the best of us, we’re only human. Give yourself grace.

When this happens, we might think we need something new, stricter consequences, or a more detailed plan but what we often need is to return to the foundational strategies that have slowly drifted:

• Building rapport

• Co-regulation

• Choices

• Visuals

• Reinforcement systems

• Neutral tone

• Preventative check-ins

“I think these are strategies that we need to review every so often in our buildings because we can be overwhelmed and sometimes forget what we have learned in the past.”

This reflection comes from an educator that watched The Stress Free Way to Respond to Challenging Behavior. I love this idea of circling back to review what we already know!

So what should you focus on this week? Fewer words, respond early, and consistent routines.

Remember challenging behavior at the end of the year is predictable, not personal.

Return to the basics with the free 4-part mini series, The Stress Free Way to Respond to Challenging Behavior. In under 20 minutes learn why students escalate, how to stay calm and what to do in the moment.

Click here to access the videos: https://www.kristybanks.com/calm

Thank you for reading!

“I have learned how much I need to practice the techniques taught in this course. In theory, it makes sense and sounds easy to do, but in reality, it is a bit more difficult and takes practice to remain calm with a neutral face when in an escalated situation. I also learned that giving 2 choices helps the student redirect their escalated feelings.“

It takes practice! Learning nervous system regulation isn’t a lecture sit and learn type thing (unfortunately). It takes time, repetition, awareness and honestly, it becomes a lifestyle.

I began my own journey on January 1, 2014. Well, that is when I started meditating - 90 days in a row! I was fascinated by the transformation in such a short amount of time. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops and teach it in my classroom.

What I noticed right away:

🤯I stopped yelling or raising my voice in the classroom altogether.

🤯The voice in my head became kinder to me.

🤯I finally understood what “pause before responding” really meant.

Of course, meditation is just one part of the nervous system regulation journey. Eventually, I will probably write a book about all the paths, workshops, classes, books, articles, therapy, podcasts, programs and practices I’ve explored to support my own regulation.

Everybody has their own path, which is one of the most beautiful parts of being human. There is no single way to get there. But there are tools, habits and practices that can help regulate your nervous system over time.

Self-awareness is step one, which I’ve referred to in several previous articles. If you are reading this article, there’s a good chance you already know something feels off and you want to learn more. That alone is building your self-awareness muscle. GO YOU!

Another important piece is building a lifestyle with the least amount of unnecessary stress possible. The stressors at home follow us into school and impact how we show up in the classroom.

What helps?

Communicating with people in your home about what feels supportive and what feels hard. Working together as a team to make daily life easier for everyone, not just one person.

And sometimes taking shortcuts where you can.

One co-worker once told me: “Just go to Costco and buy the pre-cut crudite instead of cutting it all up yourself. I know you and it’s just such a time-saver.”

And she was right. Figure out where you can simplify life in ways that align with your values.

Another important piece is value-aligned living. First, you have to identify your values and revisit them often. Is the way you spend your time aligned with what matters most to you? Do your activities, relationships and commitments move you closer to the kind of life you actually want?

These are just a few ideas to play with, learn more about and practice as you learn to regulate your nervous system.

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as saying, “I’m going to be regulated today,” and then magically being regulated. You don’t intend to become dysregulated, it happens.

Becoming aware that you want something different, that’s the first step!

One action you can take this week: when something starts to feel stressful, pause and ask yourself, “Do I actually need to do this right now or can it wait?”

THANK YOU to all the subscribers that completed the survey. Nervous system regulation was one of the highest scoring topics, so this is the first article in that series. More on the other topics to come soon.

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In my coaching sessions, I’ve been asking how I can help as the school year comes to an end and the responses are not what I can do but more what they can do to help themselves.

One teacher told me they fell asleep in their living room on Sunday at 2pm, moved to their bed at 7pm and slept until morning. It was what their body needed. They listened. It helped.

Are you listening to what your body needs and then taking action?

Your body will keep telling you the message louder and louder until you listen.

Being transparent about how you take care of yourself, especially during the hard seasons, teaches students that regulation is a skill, not something we are magically born with.

If we ignore our mental health, it reveals itself at school - we have less patience, we are quicker to raise our voice and challenging behaviors increase.

Students feel adult dysregulation. It impacts them. And adults deserve support too.

Recently, results from a district wide student survey on social emotional learning in the classroom uncovered that students want their teachers to be more calm and more regulated. They want teachers to model the regulation skills they are teaching students.

Teachers raise their voices and at times ”lose it” at work. Not intentionally but because their nervous system is stressed and it’s reacting.

One teacher’s recent reflection:

“...at this point of the year my patience is running thin and I tend to snap at my students when they make poor choices because I know that they know it is a bad choice. However, I need to ensure I am not escalating their behaviors when I am not staying calm and offering them choices, giving them space and time to calm down and regulate their emotions.”

It can be hard in the moment to stay calm. It’s a muscle that must be exercised to get stronger. If you stop exercising the muscle, it gets smaller, just like working out at the gym.

Meditation or mindfulness practice is the exercise to strengthen this muscle. Research shows that even three deep breaths can help shift your nervous system out of a stress response by:

• lowering heart rate

• increasing oxygen levels

• activating the parasympathetic nervous system

And just 5 minutes of focused breathing can:

• reduce stress and anxiety

• improve emotional regulation

• help the brain shift back into problem solving mode

Before you get out of the car at school, during passing periods, or when you go to the bathroom add three deep breaths. Then notice, does your nervous system feel different?

We are all human. We make mistakes. But it’s what we do in between the mistakes that makes the difference.

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your students.

Your students feel your nervous system every day. Let that message communicate safety and respect.

“My student doesn’t want anything anymore.”

Then an email from a teacher, “He refuses any reinforcers”

It’s spring time and reinforcement isn’t working like it used to. This is not surprising. What worked in October may not work in April.

Have you noticed this in your school?

Students’ needs, interests and desires change. Reinforcement must change too.

Right now, the value isn’t “high enough.”

In plain terms, they don’t want it anymore.

Just like our needs change, students’ needs change too.

So, what can you do?

Do assessments AGAIN!

Go back to the basics:

• Do formal assessments

• Ask the student

• Reach out to families

• Observe what the student is choosing

• Give the student a few choices and see what they pick

I was in a middle school last week and the para-educator said the same thing, I can’t find a reinforcer she wants to earn. She just says “no” to everything.

We sat down together - the student, para-educator and me. I asked, what do you want to earn? The student created her own list on a whiteboard, numbered it and everything.

We provided a few suggestions but by the end there was a whole new menu:

-colored pens

-takis

-skittles

-fidget toy

-gum

-social walk

-slime

-J bucks (group work)

-draw Bill

-brain break dance

-take a break - hallway, classroom, or walk

Then she picked one - slime - and she worked for it.

I returned this week and my first question, “How are the reinforcers going?”

“It’s been good,” the para-educator said. “She’s mostly choosing breaks and walks. Thanks for sitting down and doing that with us last week, Kristy.”

Reinforcement isn’t static. It changes. If it stops working, don’t push harder.

Pause, reassess and adjust.

Sometimes, it helps to bring another person into the conversation. Reach out to your team, to your community, or to me! I am a part of your community!

If you are looking for support with developing plans for behaviors that work, please contact me here! Book a free consultation and we can see if it’s a right fit for your needs.

You don’t have to do this work alone.

It sparked my thinking, particularly how can I model using AI when coaching teachers? How can I support teachers to design and assess lessons more effectively? How can we allow students to use it effectively and responsibly?

This isn’t my first experience with AI. I took a course, AI Basics, about a year and half ago because I didn’t want to get left behind in technology. My father always told me, you have to keep up with the technology even if you don’t need to use it. He was one of the smartest people I know, so I listened to his advice.

John Banks - you are the best.

So, what have I learned and how can it help you?

AI is a tool, not a solution.

I think about it like the internet. The internet is incredibly helpful but it can’t do my job or live my life.

If used well, it can save time, broaden your thinking and support your planning.

If used poorly, it will feel like one more thing to do.

Here are three ways to start using AI right now:

1. Thought partner and brainstorm: Use AI to get unstuck. Plug in a specific prompt, the more information, the better the response.

Attach an assignment and ask it to modify the assignment and provide a graphic organizer with sentence stems to complete the assignment.

2. Assessment: AI can generate assessments quickly. Attach a lesson and readings for an assignment and ask it to create a 20 question test with a mix of multiple choice and short answer questions.

Review the content for accuracy, relevance and bias. You will always need to make changes so do not expect to copy and paste. Watch out for anything too general.

3. Modeling and guide student use: students are going to use AI, so let’s guide them on how to use it ethically.

Be clear about how students can use it with a visual artifact: you can use it for brainstorming, creating an outline, and double checking your work. You can NOT use it for assessments. Acknowledge how you used AI.

So where should you start?

If AI feels complicated or overwhelming, start small:

• Ask one question a day

• Use it with a lesson

• Ask a colleague how they use it

AI can support our thinking, not replace it.

Remember, have fun, you can always ask it to tell a joke.

Kristy Banks

Helping Teachers Address Challenging Behavior

​KristyBanks.com

None of this was working.

Instead, the student’s head is on the table, earphones in and they are ignoring me.

This was the pattern with this student. They definitely did not like me and were not interested in doing any work in my classroom.

What to do in this situation?

Keep trying, of course, that was my job.

But this wasn’t about defiance, this was about trust.

They didn’t trust me.

Before a student learns, engages, or follows directions, they are first asking:

Am I safe here?

This happens automatically and unconsciously.

When the brain feels safe, it can problem solve, learn, and access thinking.

When it doesn’t, it shuts down and goes into protection mode.

This can look like what we often label as “defiance:” reactive, avoidance, and refusal.

This is where trust comes in. Without trust, our nervous systems are on guard and learning is not priority, protection is.

This is where we make the mistake: we try to fix the behavior before looking at trust and safety.

Trust isn’t built overnight, it takes time and repetition.

What does this look like in your classroom?

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Here are three strategies to start:

1. Be predictable: the nervous system relaxes with consistency, routine, and authenticity. Maintain a neutral tone, facial expression and body language. Respond to escalation with the same follow-through every time. →If the student can sense frustration, their brain will move into protection mode.

2. Regulate yourself first: nervous systems actually talk to each other so if you have a calm, regulated nervous system, it will help to regulate others. Show up aware and present in the classroom to help you notice when the escalation begins. Talk slower, resonate with the student and maintain neutrality. → You are the cue for safety in the room.

3. Create micro-moments of success: trust builds when the brain experiences success. Start with tasks you know the student can do, give choices, and give praise for effort (not just compliance). → Find all the little moments to celebrate!

When trust builds, safety increases, behaviors decrease and learning becomes possible.

I know I am more open, more willing and more compliant when I feel safe.

Aren’t you?

Hope this helps!

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Kristy Banks

Helping Teachers Address Challenging Behavior

​KristyBanks.com

Breaks seem to arise right when we need them or is it that our nervous system registers the break is coming and holds on long enough until break starts?

Whichever it is, I’m always grateful for the week off. A week to recalibrate, refuel and reflect.

We are gearing up for the last quarter of the year - less than ten weeks left after this! But whose counting?

How do you want these ten weeks to unfold?

For some, it may be a final push to end. Summer break. Then next year will be different. I felt this way when there were several challenging students I could never get through to or it was just a hard year overall. It may have to do with changes in the school or Administration or staff but just this feeling that I was ready for the school year to end.

I started planning all the amazing things I would do next year “when I have more time.” Next year would come and I would find myself feeling the time crunch, struggling to implement new strategies or plans and fall back into the same routines I had always done.

It was easier this way. It is human nature to go the path of least resistance.

For others, it may be a time of celebration. “I can’t get everything done that I want to. There are more activities, lessons and fun things but we are running out of time.” I felt this way when students had tremendous growth. The class energy was strong, bright and collaborated well with each other - we just meshed well.

I learned from those years. New tools, lessons and activities from these years carried forward into the challenging years.

So how will the next ten weeks unfold for you?

And, more importantly, do you want this year to end the way last year did?

It doesn’t have to. You have a choice. Change or revert back to your old patterns and habits.

If you choose the unknown… yes, it is harder. Yes, it will make you uncomfortable and, yes, it will push you to your limits but the reward far exceeds the difficulties.

You turn the dysregulated classroom into a calm classroom. And when you do that, you get more energy, more freedom and more joy.

How can you do this?

You already know the tools, it’s using them in the moment.

You can respond instead of reacting.

You can stop escalations before they begin.

Start this year. Start now.

I’m opening something new. It’s a 3-hour coaching experience where we take one challenge in your classroom and work through it together. The cycle includes a clear understanding of the behavior, strategies to regulate the whole classroom (including you), and confidence to implement the plan tomorrow.

If you are exhausted, overwhelmed and running on fumes… something has to change. Because right now you’re trying to do it all - teach, plan, assess, manage behavior, and still have a life outside of school. When the classroom feels hard, everything feels hard. That’s why I created this 3-hour coaching framework, to move teachers from chaos to calm.

Imagine walking into the classroom with confidence, fully prepared for the day and a big smile on your face. You are the TEACHER you are meant to be, the teacher you set out to be, the teacher that inspired you to join this profession.

This isn’t another lecture or course, it’s something much deeper. So if you are just looking for a quick fix, this is not for you. But if you truly want to move out of the chaos and into the calm and you are ready for real change in the classroom, book a call or send me a message and we’ll see if it’s the right fit.

>>>https://www.kristybanks.com/contact

I can’t wait!

Kristy B

I was at a school this week and an Administrator shared about a student who is struggling - arguing, hitting, kicking. Her teachers are having a hard time holding boundaries because they fear what the student might do.

That’s hard, especially when this is just one of thirty students in the classroom.

And her home life is hard too. Abuse, homelessness, neglect.

This student has built behaviors that make her feel safe. She’s created a layer of ice around her so no one can get in and hurt her.

These are all things out of the school’s control. Outside of the teacher’s control.

How can a school compete with what she experiences at home?

“We just keep hitting walls. We put her in ISS, but it does nothing.” (ISS = In School Suspension - a room with an adult typically close to the main office)

My first question: Who does the student trust on campus?

You cannot underestimate the power of relationships, especially when a child has experienced trauma.

My four recommendations:

1. Build one trusting relationship. Trust takes time, stay with it, it will come. Believe.

2. Be consistent, be consistent, be consistent. Predictability helps the student feel safe.

3. Use Check-In-Check-Out. Same time, same place and same adult. Set a simple, achievable daily goal. Let the student feel success, and celebrate it!

4. Provide a daily visual schedule. It may seem small, but it reduces uncertainty and increases safety.

These are not quick fixes. But small changes, over time, begin to chip away at the ice the student has built for protection.

You can slowly chip away at the ice and that’s how you reach them.

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“I’m exhausted”

“It feels like chaos.”

If these statements are true, what do they actually mean?

This reminds me of when you’re on an airplane in crisis. The plane is in chaos, there is panic everywhere and everyone needs help.

The oxygen masks drop.

Your instinct? Help others first. BUT the instruction is always the same:

♥️Put on your oxygen mask first, then assist others. ♥️

It feels wrong, your brain is saying, “Take care of everyone else, I can wait.”

But if you don’t have oxygen, you can’t help anyone else.

An exhausted teacher can’t help students. Not because you don’t want to, your body isn’t capable, your nervous system is depleted and you lose access to the very tools you rely on.

So what do these statements truly mean:

• “I can’t meet every need” → I’m human in a complex working environment

• “I’m exhausted” → I’m depleted of energy and my system is signaling to get support

• “It’s chaos” → I need to regulate myself to regulate the environment

This isn’t failure, this is information to help YOU.

This isn’t about self-help fluff. This is about how you operate, how you live.

Here are three grounded ways to get your oxygen back:

1. Create Your Own Regulation Space: You create a regulation station in your classroom for students, do the same for yourself. Create a visual with steps to follow to help you regulate → place your hand on your heart → take three deep breaths → say, “I am calm” (or whatever feels good to you). Add small things that shift your state: pictures that bring you joy, calming items, something meaningful.

2. Reset Your Nervous System (Fast): Have something hot, cold or sour. There is evidence based research that consuming one of these resets your nervous system. Keep these consumable items in your regulation space.

3. Build Your Resilience: Make balance your goal. Prioritize activities that bring you energy and fill you up – sleep, nourishing food, movement, meditation, fresh air, a walk, sitting by water, dancing. Know what fills you up and do these things outside of school so you can walk back into the classroom with capacity.

You don’t need endless capacity to do your job. You just need enough oxygen to stay in the game.

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“Awesome, you know your kiddo and you know what triggers them! Now, what can you do before these events to prevent the escalation? What do you notice the student doing right before the big escalation?”

These are the questions you need to ask to prevent the escalation and stop the escalation loop before it even begins.

You play a powerful role in decreasing challenging behavior and creating a calm learning environment. But it requires action before the escalation happens.

Have you noticed challenging behaviors occur at the same time every day? Transition to Music class. Walking to lunch. Cleaning up at the end of the day.

Patterns are not random, they are clues.

The student is telling you something with their behavior - what are they trying to communicate? They are giving you signals right before they escalate.

This is why it’s so important to know our students, know them well - know what sets them off and what behaviors appear right before the big behavior.

I’ve seen this time and time again when coaching teachers, they don’t even realize there is a trigger until they are saying it aloud in a conversation. Then they have an “aha” moment as we are talking.

Sometimes, you just need a thought partner to talk it through. Get it out of your mind and into the world to realize the whole situation.

You can ask for help. You don’t have to go through it alone.

Here are some key points to recognize the early warning signs so you can stop the loop before the escalation begins, you can decrease challenging behavior and you can increase the likelihood of a calm classroom.

1. Know the environment triggers. Triggers are something in the environment that sets off or cues a behavior for the student. This could be a fire alarm, change in schedule, another student teasing, transitions, placing a task demand, being told “no” and even boredom to name a few. → Once you identify a trigger, you can try and eliminate it from the environment if possible, or warn the student it is coming or perhaps replace it with something else that does not trigger the student.

2. Know the behavior signals. Signals are behaviors the student starts to exhibit that lead up to a big behavior. Signals are the students early warning signs. If you miss them, escalation often follows. Some examples are head on the table, up from seat and wandering around a classroom, blurting out, teasing another student, arguing, and even smiling. → Once you know the behavior signals of your student, you can jump in right away and begin de-escalation strategies to prevent the behavior from turning into a crisis. You can offer choices, give more time, switch adults, offer assistance, model the desired behavior or ask how you can help.

3. Gather the data. When and where are the triggers and signals happening. What’s happening right before the challenging behavior? What’s happening right after the challenging behavior? What interventions can you put in place to anticipate the escalation? → Collect the data on the triggers and signals so you can anticipate the escalation.

When you learn to recognize the triggers and signals, behavior stops feeling unpredictable and starts feeling safe.

You shift from reacting to anticipating.

From feeling overwhelmed to feeling prepared.

That shift changes everything in your classroom.

It shifts how you think about behavior.

Please reach out to me here to learn more.

Thanks for reading.

Have you noticed an increase in second guessing, rehashing, milling on decisions?

Emotional turmoil and internal suffering are just a few ways to describe this state of being.

“Maybe if I had tried this strategy, the student wouldn’t have reacted that way.”

“If I had only waited to respond.”

“I wish I didn’t yell today.”

This mental replay loop is one of the most common forms of teacher burnout.

Are you holding on too tight to these thoughts, that you don’t have balance, can’t enjoy life outside of school and your mind is continuously ruminating?

This is one of the hidden costs of caring deeply about your work.

BUT you do not have to suffer this way.

You can have balance.

You can leave school and not think about it for the rest of the day.

You can feel relief and be present for the rest of your life!

Teachers did not become educators to suffer, they became educators to make a difference, to help students and to inspire.

And you can still do all of this!

The key is interrupting the loop, the moment you notice it is happening. Awareness. Here are three practical scripts you can say to yourself:

1. “Pause, I am the source of peace.” Repeat the phrase several times, identifying you control your peace. Take a few deep breaths. Notice how your body and mind feel afterwards. Do this throughout the day, when you notice your mind wandering.

2. “Stop, this is a thought, not a fact.” Repeat the phrase several times creating space between the thought and reality. Realize you are not your thoughts. Do this when you notice you are judging yourself or others.

3. “I can handle this.” Repeat the phrase several times, return to the present moment, notice what’s around you. Become more grounded in this moment, feel your feet on the floor. Do this when you notice escalated signals in your body, e.g. hand sweating, heart racing, overwhelm.

And always, remember to be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace. You are doing the best you can at that moment.

If you are an educator with multiple students with challenging behaviors in your classroom, who is responsible for managing behavior and delivering instruction, and encounter frequent disruptions throughout the day, then you already know that how you respond IMPACTS how the students respond.

You are responsible to regulate your own emotions.

You can take control of your emotions, you can regulate and slowly chip away at stopping that cycle of internal suffering until all of a sudden, it disappears.

You can engage in practical, in-the-moment exercises to regulate your emotions, bring yourself back to the present moment and have energy at the end of the day.

This struggle is why I created this free 4 part video mini-series (normally costs $49) at https://www.kristybanks.com/calm. Video 2: Staff Resilience & Behavior discusses how to regulate your emotions.

This isn’t extra work, this is saying scripts in the moment when you realize you are living in your mind and not present.

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress.

The goal is to stop suffering unnecessarily.

You don’t have to be alone in this work. Please reach out if this connects with you and your needs OR let me know what more you are looking for.

I am here to help.

Thanks for reading.

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